| |
| |
|
Relationships Information presented by the helpful gang over at personals4all |
|
|
|
Better Than Help
One thing that women in abusive relationships and their family and friends frequently request is 'help'; help to change the situation. While I understand, and can relate only too well, to their sentiment, the term 'help' makes me feel uncomfortable. Perhaps I can clarify what I mean with an example. A woman I know believes she has found her big idea and her mission. She is constantly looking for people to 'help' her to realise her dream. (She doesn't feel that she can take charge of realising her dream herself.) So people constantly find her who promise help, but first expect her to help them - generally by paying significant sums of money towards some ill defined scheme of theirs; in very short order. The problem with 'help' is when it is a cover for dependence. By 'help' we mean someone who will take at least partial responsibility for what we want to do. We look for this 'help', or powerful intervention, when we doubt our own adequacy. Freeing yourself from an abusive relationship is no small matter. But looking for 'help' to do it, can lead to further disappointment. Unless you are clear about precisely what you mean and the limits of what you can expect, you may feel that what is out there is rather less than you were wishing for. First off, any woman will need practical advice, about how to manage leaving the relationship. It is well worth becoming familiar with the information available through domestic violence organisations, like www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/domesticviolence.html. Then, they will need practical support of the kind provided by a Refuge or Domestic Violence Support Group. They will also need understanding of the trauma they have been through and the effect that it has had on them. They will need to understand that the very low opinion they have of themselves is all part of the trauma and can be reversed. An understanding of the mechanics of abuse is available through Domestic Violence Support groups and books such as Sandra Horley's 'The Charm Factor' and Robin Norwood's 'Women Who Love Too Much'. They will need to internalise how this applies to them. This tends to be a longer process, requiring in depth work with someone with an understanding of this particular field, someone who specialises in working with survivors of abusive relationships. Finally, they need to learn how to recreate their faith in, and love for, themselves. They have to build a strong foundation of self-worth and self-trust. This may sound like the hardest part of all, but it doesn't have to be. Once they have access to the appropriate tools, making the shift from hopelessness to self-realisation and positiveness becomes almost effortless. Annie Kaszina Joyful Coaching An NLP Practitioner and Women's Empowerment Coach, Annie specialises in helping women who have survived abusive relationships heal relationship pain so they can reach their full emotional and personal stature. Email:annie@joyfulcoaching.com Websites: http://www.joyfulcoaching.com, http://www.anniekaszina.com To order Annie's eBook 'The Woman You Want To Be', or subscribe to Annie's free, twice monthly ezine, go to: http://www.joyfulcoaching.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Relationships - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Great Relationship Advice: How to Get "All A's" in Couples Communication Mark Twain once said that he believed it was "God's great cosmic joke on humanity when He required men and women to live together in marriage."When it comes to couples trying to communicate with each other, I believe old Mr. Living in Fear! As we are aware, our relationships are that bigger part of our life, and our own personal growth. Our growth starts basically from our relationships. Relationship Advice: 6 Secrets for Great Relationships The Law of ContentYou can get into trouble in a conversation if you listen only to the content of what is being said. Trouble such as debating, arguing and nitpicking. Are You Chasing Dollars or Your Kids? Striking a perfect balance between work and home today can be difficult task for most of us. However, do you ever wonder if your spending too much time chasing money and not enough with your children?Everything in moderation right? Haven't we been told this countless times and yet still we tend to find ourselves constantly plunging into excess. Here Come the Questions Why is it that even though I am not positive if I like a guy, because of course it's only been a week, that when he doesn't call for 3 days it becomes a dramatic incident, and all of a sudden its Fiona Apple time? There is no reason for him to not call; everything was fine last we spoke. With the time frame we are discussing here in the first place it shouldn't even phase me that a man decides to not call for 3 days, or possibly (gulp) never again. Dating Women From Russia: Important Tips The Marriage Agencies Never Tell You I want to share with you information that the Russian marriage agencies don't tell you on their web sites.Many of the dating agencies tout, how young Russian women are so family oriented and will make wonderful wives and family partners. Relationship Advice: A Tip from Monica and Chandler of Friends If you are looking for it, you can find relationship advice and wisdom in all kinds of places.I found an important piece of relationship advice recently while watching a "Friends" rerun. Do Men Just Want Mommy? Accomplished women are losers in romance claims NY Times columnist Maureen Dowd in her column titled "Men Just Want Mommy." She says powerful men want to marry women who are caretakers like secretaries, assistants, nannies, flight attendants, etc. Ridding Yourself Of Being A Manipulator To Better Your Relationships One of the oldest character flaws in humans is their ability to manipulate each other. Its insidious nature tilts our everyday playing field toward the manipulator. Whos Watching You? Men Arent The Only Stalkers For decades, the label "stalker' has been tattooed as a gender-specific crime, committed by men. Things have changed drastically. Ending Relationships Gracefully In my counseling practice, I often hear the question, "How do I end a relationship without hurting someone's feelings?" Whether it's a romantic relationship or a friendship, ending it gracefully is generally a challenge.The problem arises because so many people see it as a reflection of their worth when someone doesn't want to be with them. Aromatherapy : A Scent Away for Great Relationships Is it possible that a scent can make you more mellow and increase dramatically the relation with you and your mate? Can you calm the kids down instantly? Do you wish that you would feel and look more in control for the big meeting? Thousands of people around the world have discovered the powerful benefits of Aromatherapy. And you can do it to. Relationship Advice: 10 Ways to Prevent a Break Up The question I am asked most often is: I think he/she is getting ready to leave me. What do I do? There isn't an easy answer for this or there wouldn't be any break ups. Dont Be A Doormat in Your Relationship There comes a point in every relationship when the person you are dating will do or say something that is out of line. How you react to those situations will determine if they will gain respect for you or whether they will start to see you as a doormat and begin to misbehave even more. Russian Brides - Who Are They? In recent years, thousands of young Russian and Ukrainian women have come to the USA and European countries by means of marriage and were unkindly labeled "Russian mail-order brides". But who are these women, really? Why are they prepared to leave everything behind, to go to an unknown country and live with an unknown man? Can a Russian bride really be a good solution for a Western man? We will attempt to demystify the phenomenon of mail-order-brides. Sound Seduction Advice for Dating and Romance Success BackgroundSeduction is a subtle tool used with the ultimate goal in mind of attracting and having sex with a chosen partner. Seduction is a form of flirting, but is more ambitious in its means, fulfilling our desire for sex and companionship. How to Ease the Pain of a Breakup Whether you do the dumping or you are the one who got dumped, breakups are painful. If you initiated the breakup you may feel guilty, or question that you made the right decision. The Best Break Up Advice Extreme Breakup Recovery Maximum Healing - Minimum TimeIf you are going through the emotional rollercoaster of a breakup, feeling pain, anger and depression, know this: You don't need to suffer one more day over your ex! It doesn't matter how long you have suffered, it is time to give up the pain and open up to a life free of pain, and use this breakup to your benefit.You may feel that you can't stop clinging on to the past, but by clinging on to the past, you are stopping life. Why You Should Be Happy You Caught Your Partner Cheating The dictionary defines infidelity as "unfaithfulness to a sexual partner". Let's go over what is and isn't cheating:1. Relationship Advice: Voices of Experience on the Radio A few years back I was on a radio talk show out of New Orleans called "The Andre' Show" discussing "What Makes a Marriage Successful".The producers had seen my column in the New Orleans paper and decided to create a talk show topic from the column.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
