| |
| |
|
Relationships Information presented by the helpful gang over at personals4all |
|
|
|
Relationship Advice: Words Can Hurt or Heal
"Stick and stones, may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Remember that little rhyme from childhood? It's wrong. And more than that, it's a lie. Words are very powerful. Words can hurt or heal, build up or tear down, comfort or curse. According to Mike Gordon, pastor at CenterPoint Church in Ocala, Fla., very few of us are prone to slice and dice our partner with our words. At the same time, most of us are guilty of making little cuts, or "nicking" those we love with our words. Have you nicked your partner lately? And no, I do not mean shaving. I mean nicking with your words. The little cuts and jabs, the sarcasm and put-downs we sometimes carelessly throw out there. It took me just about the entire first year of marriage to figure out that what some of my friends found hilarious, my wife did not find at all amusing at best, and cut and hurt her at worst. Other folks excuse "nicking" as just being brutally honest. In my experience, most of the folks who brag about being brutally honest enjoy the brutality more than the honesty. John Powell said, "The genius of communication is the ability to be both totally honest and totally kind at the same time." The power of the tongue Our tongue, and the words that come from it, has incredible power. Words have the power to hurt or to heal, to tear down or build up, and to curse or comfort. How have you been using your words with the one you say you love? If you realize you have been doing some nicking up until now, here are two things you can do: 1) Make a commitment to use your words to comfort not curse, heal not hurt, build up not tear down 2) Go to your love and apologize for nicking in the past and let the one you love know you intend to change this bad habit. The words could be something like: "I realize I have nicked you and hurt you with my words, and I apologize and hope you can forgive me. I'm also making a commitment to you to control my tongue in the future." A word of warning as you apologize. I know of one gentlemen who apologized by saying "I need to tell you I am sorry for nicking you." Well, somehow what she heard was "I want to apologize for Nicky." You can imagine how the conversation took an unexpected detour from there. The above example, and the one below, demonstrate just how very much the words we choose to use matter to those we love. Different words, different result A country boy fell head over heels for a little girl who lived down the lane. The problem was, every time he got around her, his knees shook and he stammered when he tried to speak. He just had no clue about how to talk to this girl. So one day he went to town and followed a city boy who was known for being good with the ladies, trying to pick up some tips. The country boy listened as the city boy looked deep into the eyes of his girlfriend and said "Your beauty could make time stand still." "That's it!" he said, and rushed back to the country and found his girl. Taking her by the hand under the apple tree, he looked deep into her eyes and said, "Your face could stop a clock." Same content. Different words. Very different result. Remember, you have a choice, hurt or heal, tear down or build up, curse or comfort. Which words would you like to use, and which words would you like to be used with you? Jeff Herring is a Relationship Coach, Speaker, and Syndicated Relationship Columnist. Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for more relationship tips and tools, a free internet newsletter and free e-programs to enrich your relationship
MORE RESOURCES:
Relationships - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
I Said Yes, I Meant No, and Now I Want Out Imagine this; you have the opportunity to go away for the weekend with some friends. Being the courteous partner that you are, you check to make sure that there aren't plans already in the works, or that your significant other doesn't have a problem with you being away. Typecasting, Candice Bergen and Family Relationships I'm experiencing some challenges in my relationship with Candice Bergen.I recently started watching Boston Legal on Sunday nights, because Candice Bergen had joined the cast. Blondes Talking About Blondes! What is it about blondes that both sexes find so appealing? We are drawn to them like we are drawn to gold or a great barbequed steak and a beer. Although there is no denying brunettes and red heads can be every bit as gorgeous, there is something about blonde colored hair that demands instant attention. Global Conflict and Inter-Religious Dialogue: The Importance of Understanding Others As is learned in the study of Comparative Religion, the Avitars (Moses, Muhammad, Jesus, Buddha, Confucius, Abraham and others) had amazingly similar philosophies of belief .. Unprofessional Conduct Direct Answers - Column for the week of June 14, 2004I am sitting here so unsure of what to do anymore. I've never asked anyone for help of this type, as many people come to me for answers. Rescue and Rebuild Your Relationship: 7 Tips to Make it Work Create Time To Share And Time On Your Own.Establish time to spend together and time for yourself. Are Single Black Women Too Independent? Are single black women too independent? Too sure of themselves, too eager to express their opinion (and dis yours), too unwilling to listen and be submissive? Are today's black women even capable of 'following' a strong black man? For all my single brothers out there who have asked me these questions many times - this article is for you.First, let's deal with the first question - Are single black women too independent? My answer to this might surprise you - I think, in many ways, black women are too independent, but with good reason. Attraction: Is It Worth It? The Common Scenario:Your partner is hardly ever home to give you attention and when he is home, he's preoccupied with his own routine. The two of you then start picking on the little things about each other. Relationship Advice: Voices of Experience on the Radio A few years back I was on a radio talk show out of New Orleans called "The Andre' Show" discussing "What Makes a Marriage Successful".The producers had seen my column in the New Orleans paper and decided to create a talk show topic from the column. Romantic Tips - Gift Giving I believe that we have all heard of the standard romantic gifts. Chocolate, flowers, and jewelry, but there is something to be said for the man who thinks out side the box when gift giving holidays roll around. 7 Things You Must Know About Women Most men find women mysterious and confusing. You find us difficult to figure out. How to Survive Long Distance Relationships One of the great obstacles to maintaining a healthy relationship these days occurs when jobs or other situations put physical distance between the two partners. This ultimately leads to what is called a long distance relationship that neither party may have been prepared for in the beginning. Q & A: Reuniting With a Lost Love >1. Who are the prime candidates to rekindle a romance?The most successful rekindled romances were lost lovers who had been 17 or younger at the time of the initial romance -- first loves -- and had separated for situational reasons, like "parents disapproved," "moved away. You CAN Improve Your Relationship It seems as if creating successful relationships with our significant others and parenting children are two of the most difficult jobs we face and yet we get no formal training in either. It's as if people believe that we are born with an inherent ability to do these two things. Relationship Advice: 3 Kinds of Love There are three kinds of love:love as a feeling, love as a decision/choice, and love as an action.The confusion of these three kinds of love is the cause of much needless pain and suffering. Soul Mate Myths But the cold truth is that most people have never known the inner radiance of their own soul. Instead, they cling to the many myths about the soul mate relationship that are simply not true. Relationship Tips 101 In this article I'd like to share what the research shows as being very helpful for keeping relationships strong and connected. Since 1973 Dr. 10 Clues of an Online Affair 1. Your spouse or partner spends excess time on-line. For Soul Mates: Will you grow or stagnate? Divine Source through Barbara Rose Some soul mate couples refuse to grow. They refuse to resolve each of their core issues, which are the true sources of their personal pain. Infidelity: Spying is NOT Revenge Do not use what you find on your cheating spouse as ammunition for revenge. Sure, you may have wonderfully violent fantasies of what you would really like to do to him/her and the other person.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
