| |
| |
|
Relationships Information presented by the helpful gang over at personals4all |
|
|
|
Second Fiddle
I have been seeing a married man for the past nine months. He is unhappy but says he is not ready to leave his kids. They have a teenage daughter and a grown son, who is hers from a previous marriage. He is close to them and has a lovely home, which he worked hard for. We pulled away from each other because we both felt guilty. However, we are still very close as we work on an oil rig in the North Sea and cannot help being around each other for great lengths of time. We feel we are soul mates. Now he's found out his wife is having an affair with a man while he is offshore. She is unaware of me, and she is unaware he knows about her infidelity. I care so much about this man I felt his pain when he first found out. I want to support him through this. I don't want to be a destructive force that will be the catalyst to divorce. I do believe in fate and hope the best situation arises. Maya Maya, if a conductor is hiring violinists and he knows one will only take first chair, she will get first chair. If first chair is already occupied, the conductor is hiring a second chair. If the conductor knows a violinist is willing to take second chair, why would he give her first? You both know you are doing something which is in its essence wrong. He says you are his soul mate, but he chooses an unhappy marriage over you. He is willing to lose you. If he is willing to lose you, he doesn't love you. If he loved you, losing you would be the one thing he would be unwilling to do. Hannibal Lecter said, "What do we covet? We covet what we see." Why did this man become involved with you? Because his opportunities were limited, and we covet what we see. But what role can he offer you except the role of helpful mistress? If a relationship is not monogamous and leading to marriage, it is of no benefit to a woman at all. Trust issues predominate in this situation. Until one or all of you decide to do what is right, nothing good will come of this. You are a single, available, unmarried woman. That is the basis from which you must proceed. Leave these two alone to deal with their mutual infidelity. Ayn Rand said we are free to make the wrong choice, but not to succeed with it. The only path to your happiness will come from making right choices. You need to be in an open and honest relationship, with someone who is free to be involved with you. Wayne & Tamara Breaking Ground After a two year relationship, I found out he was married. He assured me time and time again he was divorced, when I questioned his actions. I need to find out if there are any legal remedies to this relationship. Natalie Natalie, we cannot give legal advice, but you raise an interesting question. Should a person be able to lie to another, to that person's detriment, and not suffer legal consequences? Some people would lick their wounds, chalk it up to experience, and move on. But there are others who blaze new trails, make new laws, and fight the good fight. People like consumer advocate Ralph Nader. In the words of one former United States senator, he created a movement "whose sole purpose is to keep large corporations and the government honest." Are you, like Ralph Nader, ready to blaze new trails? Then you might want to contact an attorney and see if something can be done. But first you need to answer one question. When you asked him again and again about his marital status, why did you continue in the relationship? Tamara Direct Answers - Column for the week of October 25, 2004 About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.
MORE RESOURCES:
Relationships - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
What Planet Is Your Relationship On? If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, what planet is their relationship on?John Gray's bestselling book used a planetary analogy to understand relationships. It proved very popular as a way of understanding and interpreting the behaviour patterns that men and women display. Trust Starts with You "I have a hard time trusting people.""I never feel like I can trust my husband (or wife). Attraction vs. Love When we first meet someone, regardless of the way or medium that we meet, we are either attracted or not. Attraction, when pursued, eventually grows into levels of friendship and then may cross the barriers we build up, to protect ourselves, and grow into love. Long Distance Love Before the advent of the internet, long-distance relationships were rare. Most people met their mates in school, through a friend or neighbor, at a party or in a bar. Are you (or are you with) a Commitment-Phobe? We hear it all the time. "He just won't make a commitment. A Dream of the Perfect Partner Your dream is so beautiful and it is never to late to happen. What I would say is keep your dream close to your heart and visualise fully what it would feel like for your dream to come true and your perfect partner stepped into your life. Relationship Advice: A Tip from Monica and Chandler of Friends If you are looking for it, you can find relationship advice and wisdom in all kinds of places.I found an important piece of relationship advice recently while watching a "Friends" rerun. Five Tips for Breaking Free of The Drama Habit and Developing a Healthier Arguing Style We all feel angry from time to time, but feeling angry and acting like a raging, out-of-control child during moments of anger are two very different things. And when anger "crosses the line" in the context of an intimate relationship, it can cause extensive-and sometimes even irreparable-discord and damage. Hunter and Gatherer Deep down, we haven't evolved as much as we would like to believe. Like the caveman, we still want to curl up next to someone during the dark of night so that we aren't so alone in the cold survival game. How do We Change our Self Esteem Perception? Many of us have heard about the power of positive thinking to effect a change. The idea is not new, it stems from modern psychology as well as from ancient spiritual teachings. Thinking Lingerie on Super Sunday? February will bring with it one of the most important days all the whole year. Which day it is generally depends on gender. Rekindling An Old Flame Dr. Nancy Kalish, a psychology professor at California State University, Sacramento, is the only researcher of couples who reunited with former sweethearts. Coping with Your Difficulties in Yourself Ashleigh Brillant once said""Coping with difficult people is always a problem, particularly if the difficult person happens to be yourself."Can you identify with this statement? Often, when things are not going well, we wonder what the problem is. Great Relationship Advice: How to Get "All A's" in Couples Communication Mark Twain once said that he believed it was "God's great cosmic joke on humanity when He required men and women to live together in marriage."When it comes to couples trying to communicate with each other, I believe old Mr. 60 Words and Phrases that Make Men Fall Deeper in Love The interesting thing about getting the love you deserve is that you have a great deal of influence in the kind of love you get. Most times, the love one gets is a function of the kind of love one gives. Won Ton or Kreplach? How We Raise Children in Our Chinese-Jewish Family I always knew my Oriental wife was Jewish; after all, she grew up eating Chinese food!I grew up in a Jewish neighbourhood of Montreal. My mother is Sephardic Italian and my father is a Holocaust survivor from Poland. Couples - Learn to Work Together to Solve Problems Q. There has to be some way around the continuing battle in our marriage. Save Your Relationships (5 Easy Steps To A Winning Relationship) We all enter relationships hoping they will make us happy. Each person has a shopping list of hopes and expectations, secret demands he/she makes on their partners. Self Truth and Your Relationships Questions and AnswersHow can I learn how to be true to myself? If I can't control other people, how can I change the dynamics of our relationship? How can I recognize when to speak up and when to let it go? How can I know when I'm being true to myself or fooling myself? If I'm asking for something from my partner to improve our relationship and he or she doesn't change anything, what should I do?The Answers How can I learn how to be true to myself?There is only one way to know how to be true to yourself and that is getting consciously aware of your real feelings. Ask yourself how you really feel about the situation, the comment, the non-verbal communication, the action - no matter what it is, ask yourself how you feel about it. Adultery as Sexual Addiction: Should You Stay Married? I outline 7 kinds of affairs in my E-book, "Break Free From the Affair." One affair, "I Can't Say NO!" is characterized by addictive tendencies.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |
